How things are going.

We’ve been in SC for almost three months now and for the most part everything is great! I love love staying at home with my babies, even though I really miss Aaron since he’s on nights. The fact that he’ll do this so I can stay home still amazes me. I’m one lucky woman.

Addy is in her 3rd week of Wee School and the crying is slowly getting better. Her teachers tell me that she stops crying about 30 seconds after I leave, but she always starts as soon as we pull into the parking lot. Lately she’ll cry but walk herself into her classroom. I guess she wants to go but doesn’t want to admit it haha. My precious girl.

Samuel is growing like a weed. He sits up for just a little bit on his own here and there. But he’s rolling everywhere, grabbing everything, and even trying to get up on his hands and knees! He’s so long and lean too, the exact opposite of how A was as a baby.

Living in a house with 5 other people has it’s hectic days, but for the most part it’s going really smoothly. It’s nice to have some adult conversation after being with littles all day, or in the evening when Aaron’s not home. And it’s nice splitting bills to help each of us pay off debts and save up some money for our families.

I just got me a new pair of tennis shoes:

Sorry if that picture came out weird, I’m using the WordPress app and it’s just a little…different.

Anyways. I’m really wanting to get back into running. Several pre-baby years ago I was getting to be a really good runner. I loved it. Then we moved away from my mom (my exercise buddy), and started trying for our first baby, and it just got put on the back burner.

But now I want to start up again. I’m doing a 5k next month (in 6 weeks) and have got to get out on that pavement!! I think I may do the Couch to 5k, just to get me back into the swing of it. It worked for me last time!

Any-who, enough rambles!!! Hope things are all well in your lives too!

What the….

Crap Crap Crap. I had a whole post typed out and I hit the wrong button and BOOM, erased.  Gah, sometimes technology is not your friend.

Basically, I had started a new blog here about Aaron & I moving to South Carolina but  I have since decided to just meld that one into this one. Be patient with me as I get this done!

Addy starts Wee School this week. My little baby is almost 2 years old!

Samuel is 6 months old and grows more everyday.

We still haven’t sold our house. We got an offer on it and told our realtor we accepted but since then we’ve kind of been left hanging. Bleh.

I’ve been on a major diabetes/healthy stuff burnout. Like a I-can’t-even-talk-about-it-lest-I-be-shamed burnout. Trying to think of my little family and get back on the right track. I don’t go to see my new Endo until November so at least I have a little time to try to reign this in and skip a really bad first impression.

Any suggestions on how to get back on track??

Six weeks!?!

Has it really been that long since my last post? The month of December was crazy and I just didn’t make blogging a priority (which looking back I regret). I started out the month with a 3 day hospital stay due to some weirdo virus, spent about the whole time attached to an IV, and I got to do the awesome 24 hour urine catch. Woohoo for a high risk pregnancy!!

After that it was a rotation of sick toddler, sick husband. Then we were busy with family & Christmas, then I stayed sick again with what I do believe is a super surprise onset of lactose intolerance!  I also had to do another 24 hour catch which came back a little elevated (316) so I’ve been put on a low dose blood pressure medication. Sweet.

Whatever keeps this little guy cooking as long as possible! Speaking of, I’ve hit my 3rd trimester!!! Where has the time gone!? And with the diabetes, & probable preeclampsia creeping up on me I’ll most likely be induced around the same time I was with Addy, which puts his arrival date at UNDER TEN WEEKS!!!

I haven’t gotten anything done in his room, I haven’t bought anything for him, & honestly since I’m jobless I don’t know how I’m going to afford to. I have a little panic attack about every single day thinking of all I need to get done & how the heck am I going to do it.

Alright, enough of my rambling & here’s to much more frequent blog posts!

Don’t You Forget About Me

I have an amazing Diabetes support system. My parents, brother, in-laws, friends…they’re wonderful. They all know what to do in certain ‘beetus related situations, they’ve always been there for me to vent to about this disease, they go with me to the doctor if I ask them to; again they’re just amazing.

But the one person who gets the brunt of what this disease is really like is my husband. He’s witnessed me have crazy mood swings because my blood sugar was high, watched me act like a drunk when my blood sugar was low, held my hair when I vomited for 12 hours straight because I didn’t realize I was in DKA, taken me to the hospital, stood up to the doctors who obviously don’t know a thing about TYPE ONE Diabetes, put insets into his abdomen so he would know what that was like, and so so much more.

But most recently I shook him awake at 1am, my Dexcom alarming, & all I could get was ‘Low. Food.’. I was pouring sweat, unable to sit up without his help, & just fuzzy. He didn’t even have to question me. He got up and got me some juice, asked if I needed more than that & when I nodded he went back to the kitchen and made us both a PB & J sandwich with milk. We sat in bed, munching on our snacks, and I was trying to differentiate between Patrick Henry and John Henry, who I swore was actually John Brown at Harper’s Ferry.

I don’t want to downplay what the rest of my family has been through with me with my diabetes, especially my parents since I was diagnosed at 7 years old. I can remember moving out on my own and realizing the Diabetes Supply Fairy didn’t live with me anymore & I got promoted to that position. But my husband is my best friend, my advocate, and not be be a complete cheese, but he’s also my rock. I have no doubt that no matter the diabetes task at hand, he would know how to take care of it and me. He brought extra vials of insulin to our wedding just to be safe!!

Yes, I am the one with this disease, I’m the one who has to go through this invisible illness everyday, but I do not want to forget about the people that go through this with me as well.

Is this the droid you’re looking for?

So right now I keep my insulin pump in my bra, it’s just the easiest place for it. Well Addy has long since figured out that some nifty thing is kept there that I won’t let her have, which just fuels her need to grab it even more. All day long, no matter where we are, even at the wedding we went to this past weekend, she has her hand down the front of my shirt.

She used to be like this with my phone. I would never let her have my phone so of course all she wanted was…my phone! Well I finally just let her have it anytime she reached for it & after 2 seconds she’s just whatever about it moves on. So today after having her hand dig around in my shirt for the umpteenth time, I just sat her down & gave her my pump.

She stuck it in her mouth, shook it, jerked it around. Apparently it makes an awesome toy. Not sure yet if this will sate her curiosity for what’s down my shirt or not, I guess we’ll see what she does tomorrow. She has yet to discover the Dexcom, that should be fun 🙂

I really don’t want this post to sound like I’m ranting, or fed up because I’m not, I promise!! Just sharing & wondering if any other T1 moms have little ones interested in their droid parts too 🙂

Okay, okay, okay…

Enough with the blogging hiatus. I really miss blogging, & I do have the time, so time to stop being lazy!! Four months is way too long between posts. Here’s what’s been happening:

• Addy is now almost 11 months old!! How is that possible?!?

Isn’t she just gorgeous!?!?

• Addy is crawling everywhere, pulling up, trying to take steps, feeding herself, saying ‘Dada’, ‘Puppy’, ‘Bop Bop’, and a few other of her own sayings, & she has 7 teeth.
• She is not a picky eater either, she loves to eat everything!!
• We are expecting baby #2!!! It was a COMPLETE surprise, but a blessing all the same.
• At the start of this pregnancy I had a huge bleed, was told I have a Subchorionic Hematoma (a little blood clot in the uterus) & put on immediate bed rest.
• This resulted in me losing my job.
• The SCH has since then healed itself, & baby and mommy are both doing fantabulous.

That’s really all that’s new. I was awful at documenting my first pregnancy so hopefully I’ll do better this time. My last a1c was 7.9% at 9 weeks pregnant (gag), but I go to the Endo Monday so I really hope that number has gone down a lot. I’ve started walking & trying to intake as much water as I can.

It’s still hard to believe at the end of March there’ll be another little one in the house. Probably the last new addition to our human family. Not that I can’t have more children just that I think 2 is enough for us.

 

 

Scared.

I have these moments…they come on randomly but stick around for a little while. These moments where all I can think about is ‘What if my daughter gets diabetes?’. I literally have to step back, breathe into a bag, & fight back tears. I don’t know what the chances are of her becoming Type 1 but I do know that since I’m Type 1 there’s always that chance. And it makes me feel selfish.

I remember several people who found out I was pregnant asked me why I would do this to my baby. And I of course said that the baby’s not diabetic, her pancreas works, she’ll probably never have diabetes. I got upset because they were being ignorant, they don’t know anything about this disease! But now that she’s here & I watch her smile, laugh, reaching all these milestones…what if she gets it? I feel selfish for having her. I wanted her so so bad, & the amount of love I have for her hurts sometimes, she’s the most precious thing to me, & I can’t imagine what it’d feel like if something happened to her. Why did I have her if there’s even the slightest chance she could get this disease.

Granted I shouldn’t live in fear, & it’s okay that I worked my ass off to make sure she was healthy in my belly. But now she’s here, & I can’t really control what happens in her little body anymore. All my doctor’s (endo, GP, eye, OB) gave me the okay to get pregnant & my endo and I had the talk about my daughter & diabetes. The chances are so so slim. But I got it. It just terrifies me. When she’s overly fussy, or has a FULL wet diaper, or seems to want her milk ALL the time…my breath kind of catches for a minute.

I broke down & checked her blood sugar once. Already. She’s only 5 months old. It was normal of course & I vowed to never do it again without reason. She’s fine, she’s okay, she’s happy & healthy. I don’t want this fear to make me miss those moments. It’s pretty easy now since she’s on formula & just a tiny bit of baby food. But what about when she starts eating solid food. What about when she wants sweets. I can already tell it’s going to be so so hard to let her eat certain things. Maybe it’s because all I’ve known is diabetes & seeing her eat something sweet and not need to do anything about it doesn’t really compute, I don’t know.

I want to have more children. Will I let this fear keep me from that? I’m not sure yet. It’s my only reservation when I think about more. The fact that my doctors & hers aren’t concerned about it & welcome the thought of me having more children should make me feel good. Relieved. And it does. For a couple minutes. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mother…but did I get my dream come true at a cost for my child? Only time will tell.

I know this is kind of depressing, but I had to get this off my chest. Had to get it out of my head so maybe I can stop thinking about it for the night. The closest I want her to this disease is watching me take care of mine.

Do I regret having her? Not in the slightest. Geez, there’s no way I could ever live without her. She makes me so so happy, I want to give her the world & more. I want her to have a happy, diabetes free life.

‘The Book Of Better’

I read this book again recently and I just love it so much that I wanted to re-post the review I wrote of it off my old blog. If you have the chance, diabetic or not, read this book!!

A few weeks ago I got an email from Jonathan Lazzara from Three Rivers Press, part of the Crown Publishing Group at Random House about a book they just put out (11.1.11) by Chuck Eichten called ‘The Book of Better‘.  He sent me a complimentary copy of the book, & said I wasn’t at all obligated to write about it but if I did that would be great.

via

After getting my copy of the book in the mail, sitting down & reading it a few times I realized there’s no way I couldn’t write anything about this book!  My quote review of the book (like the ones they put on the back) is this:

“I’ve had Type 1 Diabetes for over 16 years and ‘The Book of Better’ not only taught me new things but it made me laugh, made me think, & has motivated me to do BETTER!”

This book was not only a really easy read & very straight forward but it was seriously FUN to read!!  There were many times while I was reading where I just thought ‘Yes!! That’s exactly how I feel!!’.  It goes over everything from diabetes basics, to pumping, food, injections, even the best (believe it or not) & the worst things about diabetes.  It taught me things like who the first person treated with insulin was, & why exactly I always get super thirsty & pee a lot when my blood sugar is high (something I never really understood before).

The cover of the book says ‘Life with diabetes can’t be perfect. Make it better.’  And in my opinion, Chuck shows how to do it.  He’s honest about the downfalls of this disease but turns around & shows you how to make it better, that there are positive things to be found.  And it’s great knowing Chuck is a Type 1 as well.  It makes me feel like he gets me, he gets how diabetes makes me feel.

While it does explain the difference between Type 1 & Type 2 Diabetes and some things are relevant to Type 2 I feel this book was mainly written for Type 1’s.  Which I think is awesome because it seems every piece of literature out there online & off, about diabetes is geared towards Type 2.  It’s very, very frustrating.

The design of the book, I think, is fantastic.  Lot’s of illustrations, big fonts, little fonts, some cartoon-ish things; a lot of elements that make the book POP & stand out from others.  It really catches your eye and makes you WANT to read it.  It draws you in!!

All in all, I really loved this book.  I also think it’s a good book for people who don’t have diabetes (especially those who interact with diabetics daily) because it tells you about the disease, how diabetics feel, & things to watch out for like signs of high blood sugars and low blood sugars.

If I could I’d put this book in the hands of my husband, my family, my co-workers, my friends, and especially those other Type 1’s who just want to make living with this disease better.  I really can’t wait to see what else Chuck Eichten will do.

***Disclaimer: Again as stated above I was sent this book free of charge. I was not obligated to write this review to receive it. I wrote this review because this book has too much awesomeness not to.***

Back…again?

Gah, so much has changed & I think I’ve finally got it all under control. I quit my job to work a night job 3x/week so I could be at home with the baby during the day. I love it so much! Yes it’s rough sometimes but being able to have her all the time rather than someone else is completely worth it to me!

She’s so big, she’ll be 3 months old next week. Already?!?! It’s amazing how fast time is going by with her. She coo’s and smiles, she’s learned how to rub her eyes when she’s sleepy. She loves watching the dog, & her daddy. She’s simply amazing, the light of my life.

Diabetes…wow where to start. I was doing so good while pregnant, it was amazing. Now? Not so much. Diabetes has been put behind everything else, I can’t remember when I last checked my blood sugar. I’m on a pump vacation for now, taking Lantus & Humalog. It’s nice not being attached to something 24/7, to not have to think about where in my outfit for the day I’m going to put my pump. We’ll see how long it lasts though 🙂 I have the Dexcom plugged in now to charge, can’t wait to start using that thing again. I’ve not used it since I was newly pregnant!! My last a1c was 7.4, so not terrible but dang, not the 6.0 it was while I was pregnant.

So now that things seem to have settled it’s time to get back on all these ponies – diabetes care, blogging, eating right, exercising, I’m hoping to go back to school this summer/fall. Maybe I should just hook all the ponies up to a wagon. Starting with the eating right we tried a P.F. Chang’s frozen dinner tonight. It was the Beef With Broccoli & it was so good. I’ve never eaten in the restaurant itself but I think I will after that! I bought some protein powder to make protein shakes again, I’m hoping to go running (fast walking haha) with a friend on Sunday. I’m ready to feel healthy again, esp now that my daughter is here with me. She’s extra motivation.

And I won’t be taking over a month to post again!! Here’s a recent pic of the baby too, I just can’t help but show her off!!

Back To Work

So today was my first day back at work after 3 months off. Boy was it hard. I think I cried pretty steadily from the time I woke up until about 10:00am. My poor co-workers would ask about the baby and the flood gates would open. It was so hard, and I know they say it gets easier but I’m not so sure. I just feel that especially at this young age she needs to be with me, her mom.

So I’m trying to think of ways to work part-time, at home, online, or not at all so I can be with her as much as possible. I’ve not had much luck so far but I’m determined to find a way.

Another down side? I’ve checked my blood sugar maybe twice today. With so much going on it’s just not the first thing on my mind anymore. I know putting the Dexcom back in would help, if I could just remember to do it!!

Sorry for the short post, but I started this later than expected and let me tell you, with not getting a full nights sleep 5am comes way too early.